About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
