I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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