Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
