marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
