Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
