Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
