I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
