Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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