I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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