A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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