I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize