My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
