Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
