well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i think im in europe. pls send help
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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