I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's always time for handjobs
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
