Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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