I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
