final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
