he thought i was a dude.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
