Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My dick has a subreddit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize