my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize