I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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