im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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