I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
