Nicole vs. Life
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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