I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
