I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
