you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
