Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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