I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
this hospital has no fireball
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
