I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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