just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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