you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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