The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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