And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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