i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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