I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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