My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
