someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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