High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
