I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
where am i from again
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
