I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
