so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My life is pants optional.
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