I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
