OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
