The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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