I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize