Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
