just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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