did you get engaged???
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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